Lisa Portolan

A guide to romance in the digital world. 

Everyone is looking for love … but the search for love in the twenty-first century is fraught with obstacles (not least among them pandemics), uncertainties (does romantic love really exist, and if it does, are we worthy of it?) and contradictions (the popularity of dating apps versus our cynicism about them). 

Although modern society and media have sold us the fairytale of that one big, romantic love – chemistry, sparks, passion – the majority of people don’t think a big love can be discovered on dating apps. Which is a shame, since so many of us find ourselves on them! Sure, you can find a hook-up, but that person needs to be announced by some sort of special, face-to-face, meet-cute experience. 

Complicating the issue is our consumer culture’s fixation on the disposable and the new. When it comes to finding love, many of us become stuck in a cycle of looking for the next, even better relationship. Ironically, while we’re on this quest for romantic novelty, we may also be craving long-term partnerships, feeling like failures if we don’t achieve them. But then again … the stuff that makes up these long-term partnerships doesn’t look like fun – it looks more like work. 

How can we reconcile these conflicting desires? 

A media commentator, podcaster and academic, with a PhD in dating apps and intimacy, Dr Lisa Portolan has conducted hundreds of interviews and surveys over many years on the question of what love looks like in the digital age. Here she draws on her findings to present strategies to help you navigate the complexities of real-world relationships in order to achieve – and maintain – a successful, committed partnership. Case studies are woven throughout, authentic voices representing all aspects of the seeking, finding and keeping of love. 

And what is the most profound lesson to be drawn from this incisive, compassionate, often humorous handbook? Ultimately, the pursuit of love is not just about finding a soulmate – it’s about becoming a better version of ourselves in the process.

Jo Van Es

Wavesound from W. F. Howes Ltd

Ten Ways to Find Love... and How to Keep It

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