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JLML Press

In the 25+ years Janet Lansbury has worked with children and parents, she's learned a lot. She's here to share it with you. Each episode of Unruffled addresses a reader's parenting issue through the lens of Janet's respectful parenting approach, consistently offering a perspective shift that ultimately frees parents of the need for scripts, strategies, tricks, and tactics.
Janet is a parenting author and consultant whose website (JanetLansbury.com) is visited by millions of readers annually. Her work informs, inspires, and supports caregivers of infants and toddlers across the globe, helping to create authentic relationships of respect, trust, and love.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse and JanetLansbury. Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or wherever you buy your books.
Featured in The New Yorker, recommended 'Best Parenting Podcast' by The Washington Post, The New York Times, USA Today, The Cut, Fatherly, Today's Parent, and many, many more.
Please note: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and advice presented on this podcast by Janet Lansbury and her guests are based on their training and experience. Opinions are offered in good faith but do not constitute professional, psychiatric, or medical advice, neither are they intended to be. You do not have to use this information, and it should not be substituted for qualified medical expertise.
Copyright JLML Press (2025) All Rights Reserved

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

A parent writes that the bedtime routine with her 5.5 year old daughter has become an all-consuming marathon, and she feels exhausted, frustrated, and disconnected. "I don't enjoy motherhood right now," she says, "and that's painful to admit because I love my daughter so much." She describes a typical evening that begins calmly enough with snacks, bathing, teeth, and a book, but inevitably her daughter sidetracks the process with demands to go pee, first-aid for a booboo, and sometimes declaring that she's scared. "She knows exactly which needs I'll respond to, and I end up stuck in the loop again." 

Janet offers insight into this parent's dynamic with her daughter and why this 'loop' continues. She then makes some suggestions as to what her child might need in their relationship for this frustrating merry-go-round to finally stop. 

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠.

Her best-selling books ⁠⁠⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠"Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting"⁠ are available wherever books are sold. 

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Bedtime Battles ("Losing Myself in Motherhood")

At the heart of Janet's parenting approach is respectful, honest communication between us and our kids beginning in infancy—which means observing and listening to kids at least as much as we talk to them. It also means walking through our own fears to accept our child's most uncomfortable feelings and broach difficult conversations. In this episode, Janet shares a parent's story about their child's 45 minute(!) meltdown, and how the parent eventually discovered what had caused it. This parent also describes helping their toddler gracefully handle a medical procedure. In both instances, this parent's embrace of respectful communication was the key to their success.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠.

Her best-selling books ⁠⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠⁠ and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold. 

Please Support Our Sponsors.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What to Say and Do During a Meltdown

No matter how we approach raising our children, there are times we'll feel physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted. Maybe all of the above. We’re only human, of course, but it may also be that we're taking on more than we need to --- depleting our energy with roles and tasks that are better left to our child. In this encore episode, Janet offers ideas for lightening our workload by recognizing and trusting our children's intrinsic abilities. Janet's job description reframe can help save our energy, nurture self-confidence, and at the same time foster a flourishing parent-child relationship. 

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠ and ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠.

Her best-selling books ⁠“No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame”⁠ and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold. 

Please Support Our Sponsors.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenting Is Too Hard? Consider Editing Your Job Description

It's common for young children to go through phases of unwarranted aggression, usually directed at the ones they love most. Janet has noted that these phases are as uncomfortable for our children as it they are for us, and probably even more so. In this episode, she responds to two parents of kids who are behaving erratically and lashing out at their siblings. Both families have attempted to address these behaviors with empathy, respect, and boundaries, but they aren't seeing results. The frustrated parents admit they've sometimes reacted with threats, punishments, or shaming. Nothing seems to work. Janet offers advice that she believes will address both of these children's internal discomfort and, therefore, ease their aggressive behavior. 

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: ⁠⁠⁠nobadkidscourse.com⁠⁠⁠.

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A Secret to Stop the Hitting and Hurting When All Else Fails

You've no doubt heard by now about the countless benefits of our children's self-directed play. Less understood is how to nurture this invaluable instinct in our babies—every child has it. With our good intentions, though, we sometimes get in the way of play. Perhaps we intervene and unnecessarily interrupt our children's process. Or, as our kids get older, we let structured activities and excursions usurp the time they might have preferred to spend exploring, experimenting, following their own interests, and creating activities—doing what may look like "less" on the outside, but gaining profound benefits. In this episode, Janet shares letters from parents who describe eye-opening experiences that caused them to recognize the importance of allowing their children—who are from 3 months old to 3 years old—to play their own way, and how the simple act of not intervening brought them joy and a new understanding of their child and the value of play. 

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: ⁠⁠nobadkidscourse.com⁠⁠.

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Making Independent Play Work for You and Your Child (Brilliant Examples From My Inbox)

We all hope to raise polite, well-behaved kids who follow rules and comply with requests, assuming these are fair, just, and appropriate. We want our kids to not only respect us but other authority figures in their lives. Yet, many of us shy away from the term "obedience," because it connotes using discipline methods that are overly strict, harsh, and authoritarian. It doesn't need to be that way. In this episode, Janet responds to a parent who feels like she needs more obedience from her almost 4-year-old. She's wondering if she's wrong to want that, even though obedience was what was expected of her as a child. Janet explains that this parent's needs are not only valid but achievable through Janet's relationship-centered approach.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: ⁠nobadkidscourse.com⁠.

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Obedience Is Not a Dirty Word

The root causes for our children's behaviors—especially the behaviors that most alarm and confuse us—are often confusing and complex. Sometimes, try as we might to understand and even reason with our child, the behavior only gets worse. But these behaviors may be simpler to address than we might imagine. All we need to do is recognize the intense focus that we are bringing to these behaviors and where that might coming from— often our own childhood experiences. Janet responds to two parents who have become exasperated trying to reroute their kids' behaviors. One feels her kids constantly tune her out, leaving her feeling "disconnected and invisible." The second parent is alarmed by her son's recent interest in weaponry and some disturbingly violent threats he's been making. In both cases, the more these parents lean into their kids with words and reason, the more extreme the behavior becomes. Janet finds a clue in both stories that may be keeping these relationships stuck

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: ⁠nobadkidscourse.com⁠.

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Parenting Problems Our Childhoods Create (and How to Fix Them)

As parents, we're naturally protective of our kids' feelings and sensibilities, but as they mature and venture out socially, it's also our job to give them the tools they need to thrive in a variety of settings and with people who have differing views and engagement styles. Our kids need to learn to respect and adapt to every person's boundaries—not just ours, but those of their peers, teachers, caregivers, relatives. Then, when our child finds herself in a new situation confronted by a different norm, which is inevitable, they (and we) can perceive this as a positive learning experience and approach it with confidence. 

In short, how can we best prepare our kids to adjust to life's realities? Janet explains how respectful parenting is geared to do exactly this. She illustrates by responding to two different families whose kids are having difficulty accepting other people's boundaries.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: nobadkidscourse.com.

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Don’t Raise Your Kids in a Bubble

Transitions tend to be difficult for young children, and they express their struggles in a variety of concerning ways. They may be focused to distraction on particular random-seeming anxieties and fears. Worse, they take their feelings out on us by being uncooperative or lashing out in violent meltdowns. Two families reach out to Janet with these issues, and she proposes a three-step approach to help resolve them.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: NoBadKidsCourse.com

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Helping Your Child Overcome Anxieties, Fears, and Rocky Transitions

The parent of a 7-year-old describes writes that her daughter has become relentlessly negative and argumentative. "It feels like everything is a debate, and she says no to almost every request." As one of Janet's longtime followers, she knows not to take the behavior personally, tries to maintain a light attitude, but she often finds herself lecturing and sometimes completely losing her cool. She wonders if Janet can suggest some other way to deal with her daughter's negative attitude. "I feel so exhausted from all the debating and negotiating and fighting." 

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: NoBadKidsCourse.com

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Negativity, Pushback, No to EVERYTHING

Janet responds to a frequent reader request to introduce and summarize the RIE parenting approach. She begins in this podcast by discussing the first 3 basics she shared in her article "RIE Parenting Basics - 9 Ways To Put Respect Into Action".
For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ).
Also available for download, her audio series "Sessions" -- recorded consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (SessionsAudio.com).
Our Sponsors:* Check out BabyQuip and use my code UNRUFFLED for a great deal: http://www.babyquip.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 
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3 RIE Parenting Basics

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