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Headgum & Nicole Byer

Love and dating can be messy—so let’s talk about it! On this multi-award-winning podcast, comedian Nicole Byer explores romantic highs, lows, and all the juicy stuff in between, alongside comedians, experts, and sometimes an ex or two. New episodes every Friday!

Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

When Nava Kavelin (host of Podcrushed) lost weight at 16, the shift in how the world treated her was immediate and jarring. She went from being invisible to having 10 boys aggressively pursuing her. She joins Nicole to unpack the complicated resentment of suddenly becoming "visible" to people who previously looked right through you.

They get into why reciprocity is the bare minimum for a good relationship, the misery of dating someone long-term who won't commit, and how soap operas like Passions warped their brains into thinking it’s okay to chase people who don't like you. Nava also shares the time she downplayed her Baha'i faith for a Southern Baptist boy who turned out to only be interested in converting her.

Plus, the shocking research she uncovered at the UN about how media impacts girls of color - they are sexualized as young as 3 years old, and unchecked access to porn is normalizing violence for teenagers.

Meanwhile, Nicole attempts to connect with the youths, and recounts the wild, slightly racist routine she saw at Criss Angel's Las Vegas show.

Heads up: This episode contains spoilers to Netflix's You.

Check out Nava's new book, Crushmore at simonandschuster.com/books/Crushmore/Penn-Badgley/9781668077993

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsor:

Squarespace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.

Follow:

All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudateme

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Dark Reality of 'Skinny Privilege' (w/ Nava Kavelin)

What happens when a porn actress comes after your drag name? Lexi Love (RuPaul's Drag Race S17) joins Nicole to talk through the legal fight she never expected to be in and what it is costing her to protect the career she's built. She opens up about the panic attacks she had while filming her season of Drag Race and shares the mistreatment she experienced in rehab, which became a traumatic part of her recovery journey. Plus, Lexi also talks about her past life teaching anti money laundering to bankers, her best dates, and the night she was left abandoned with a bill she couldn’t pay.

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support Lexi Love's legal battle at gofundme.com/f/the-real-lexi-love-fund.

See Lexi Love on tour with A Drag Queen Christmas. Get tickets at dragfans.com.

Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:

Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/3v6r90n6 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.

Wayfair: Wayfair. Every Style, Every Home.

Follow:

All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudateme

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer is produced by Mars. Guest research by Lyndsey Kempf. Executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. VP of content is Kaiti Moos. Theme song arranged by Mike Comite. 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Fraud & Legal Battles (w/ Lexi Love)

In 2012, comedian Tig Notaro was diagnosed with invasive cancer, got pneumonia, contracted C. diff, went through a breakup, and then lost her mother - all within four months. Tig joins Nicole to talk about how surviving that period changed her outlook on life, how she rebuilt, and how an ironic “sweet dreams” text turned into the most adorable relationship with her wife Stephanie. They talk about how commitment ended up giving Tig a sense of freedom, finding comedy in the darkest moments in life, raising twins, and her new documentary Come See Me in the Good Light.

Check out Tig's new film, Come See Me in the Good Light, on Apple TV+. And listen to her podcast, Handsome.

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:

Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your unique gifts this year, go to uncommongoods.com/dateme.

Jones Road Beauty: Use code DATEME at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a Free Cool Gloss with your first purchase! These sell out fast so get them while they last! 

Quince: Step into the holiday season with layers made to feel good, look polished, and last— from Quince. Perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself. Go to Quince.com/dateme for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Squarespace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.

Betterhelp: Visit Betterhelp.com/DATEME today to get 10% off your first month.

Follow:

All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudateme

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Losing Everything (w/ Tig Notaro)

Comedian and friend Oscar Montoya (Dropout TV, Drag Her) is back for another kiki. They talk about the best slutty Halloween costumes, the casual racism in early-2000s fashion, recounts stories of wild audience members, dating someone as a "bit", and Nicole shares the time she officiated a wedding proposal while soaked in toilet water. It's a nice fun time.

See the Bad Drag Race finale in LA Nov 15th, co-hosted by Nicole, Oscar, and Mano. Get tickets here.

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsor:

Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your unique gifts this year, go to https://uncommongoods.com/dateme.

Follow:

All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudateme

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Kiki-ing (w/ Oscar Montoya)

Boo! Friend and comedian Mano Agapion (Drag Her, We Love Trash) joins Nicole for a Halloween special with a creepy ghost story, a "psychic" sex criminal, funeral planning, and lipstick teeth. Mano recounts the chilling time he saw a ghost in Greece, the so-called astrologer who stuck a finger up his bum, and Nicole shares her plan for a funeral birthday where friends give eulogies while she lies in a casket. Plus, Nicole realizes she's too clingy in her relationship. it’s our most haunted episode yet. Happy Halloween!

See Nicole and Mano live co-hosting Bad Drag Race, on Nov 15th at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles.

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:

OSEA: Give the gift of glow this holiday with our listener discount on OSEA’s clean, clinically tested skincare. Just use code DATEME for 10% off your first order sitewide at OSEAMalibu.com.

NUULY: Change your clothes! Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code DATEME at Nuuly.com

SquareSpace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.

Follow:

All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudateme

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why Won't You Scare Me? (w/ Mano Agapion)

Drag queen icon Kim Chi (RuPaul's Drag Race S8, author of Kim Chi Eats The World) joins Nicole to talk about what it’s like to have never dated anyone, and whether she even wants to. She opens up about being afraid to get hurt, growing up with crushes who didn’t like her back, and why are all the conspiracy nuts booed up? Kim shares wild stories from her drag-tour days (including the time she was recognized during a lap dance), having a twink convention show up at her hotel, and story about queens who skip meet-and-greets and cause chaos on tour. Plus, she and Nicole bond over their mutual hatred of Animal Crossing, her love of cottage cheese, and shares easy recipes from her new cookbook Kim Chi Eats The World.

Check out Kim Chi's new book, Kim Chi Eats The World at https://kimchithequeen.com/pages/cookbook

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:

Green Chef: Make this fall your healthiest yet with Green Chef. Head to Greenchef.com/50DATEME and use code 50DATEME to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping.

Quince: Find your fall staples at Quince. Go to Quince.com/dateme for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

SquareSpace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.

BetterHelp: Visit Betterhelp.com/DATEME today to get 10% off your first month.

Follow:

All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudateme

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Never Dated (w/ Kim Chi)

Model and Drag Race pit crew member Bruno Alcantara joins Nicole to discuss his love for biting (and the time he got kicked out of a bar for it), being barefoot on set of Drag Race, working as a massage therapist and life coach, and discovering he was gay after having a couple of girlfriends. Plus, Bruno gives Nicole a happy ending massage while sharing his best advice as a life coach.

Check out Happy Endings with Bruno on WOW Presents Plus.

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support for this episode comes from Bumble. Start your love story on Bumble - bumble.com #bumblepartner

Follow:

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Happy Endings (w/ Pit Crew Bruno)

Drag queen Angeria Paris VanMichaels (Winner of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars S9) wants your hole pic. She joins Nicole to talk about the etiquette of hooking up with a RuGirl, those confusing “boyfriend things” that blur situationships, and why being the one who always texts first is exhausting.

Angeria opens up about what she really wants in a partner, how she’s manifesting real love after years of being single, and the thrill of the chase. Plus, Nicole receives a sandwich in her email.

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Check out Angeria's show, Angie's Drag Corner on YouTube at: youtube.com/channel/UChFN80b8ULqwyix0jIMkVWw

Support for this episode comes from Bumble. Start your love story on Bumble - bumble.com #bumblepartner

Follow:

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Send Me Your Hole Pics (w/ Angeria Paris VanMichaels)

Nurse practitioner and pole dancer Neda Momeni is here and teaches Nicole a lot! From her years as a labor and delivery nurse, she explains what actually happens in the hospital during childbirth and what most people never hear about until they’re living it. She talks about Muslim dating, from family expectations to apps like Minder and her experience using an online matchmaker. Pressure pushed her to marry the wrong man, and she ended up going no-contact with her parents. After cutting ties, pole dancing became her outlet, and a video of her performing in a hijab went viral - sparking both backlash and an outpouring of support from women who she inspired. Plus: a hot tip why you should watch some True Crime.

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support for this episode comes from Bumble. Start your love story on Bumble - bumble.com #bumblepartner

Follow:

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Viral Hijabi Pole Dancer (w/ Neda Momeni)

Drag queen, singer, and actress Adore Delano (RuPaul's Drag Race S6, All Stars 2, American Idol) joins Nicole to share stories about hooking up with go-go dancers, filming a sex tape she regrets, and her path to sobriety. She opens up about transitioning twice, the facial feminization surgery she underwent, and her current relationship with a trans man Nicole and Adore swap dating lessons, talk about why a healthy relationship can feel so strange, and discuss why an amusement park date is the ultimate compatibility test.

Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

Support for this episode comes from Bumble. Start your love story on Bumble - bumble.com #bumblepartner

Follow:

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken

YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcast

TikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod 

Instagram: @nicolebyer

X: @nicolebyer

Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hooking Up with Go-Go Dancers (w/ Adore Delano)

Actor and comedian Sam Richardson (Veep, I Think You Should Leave) chats with Nicole about his success finding love on Raya, wanting kids so he can continue doing kid things, the power of saying 'I love you' first in a relationship, and pitches ideas for dating app opening messages.

Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to support, check out blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. 

Follow Nicole Byer: 

Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken 

Twitter: @nicolebyer 

Instagram: @nicolebyer 

Merch: teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964

Nicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Power of 'I Love You' (w/ Sam Richardson)

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