How Do You Hug a Cactus?: Reflective Parenting with Teenagers in Mind

Have you ever wondered what's going on in your teenager's mind? This engaging book will give you the tools to understand just that to ultimately help you keep the close connection you both need during these tricky years.

Following her acclaimed book for parents of younger children, Sheila Redfern brings the reflective parenting model to parents of teenagers. Teenagers can be experienced as prickly and hard to get close to—like a cactus—but Dr. Redfern shows us how this stage of your child's life can be more enjoyable and connected. Rather than focusing on their behaviors, this book emphasizes how we can teach teenagers to manage their feelings and relationships in safe ways. It advocates theories underpinning reflective parenting—mentalizing, attachment, and neuroscience—as essential for building resilience and security in young people, which is crucial through the storm and stress of adolescence. Chapters are filled with relatable scenarios and practical advice on pressing issues such as self-harm, social media and gaming, risk, and ASD. There is also a chapter devoted to adoptive parents and foster carers.

This practical guide aims to help listeners become more reflective and available as parents and understand what might be in their teenager's head. It also serves as an essential resource for clinicians working with families.

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Release date

Audiobook: 24 June 2025