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A. K. Snyder

“This story is necessary in terms of bringing the beauty and agony of adoption out of the shadows.”

Written as a narrative to my daughter, I wanted her to have the whole story. Where she came from. Why I placed her for adoption. And how, for the next eighteen years, I hovered on the edges of her family, granted access by her generous parents, but always wanting more. More for her, and more for me. This daughter, who arrived before I was ready for her, redefined love and hope and family.

I am not ready, not able, to raise you.

Ten years too early, I need time to grow up.

To offer you, I have love.

And nothing else.

You need more than I have to give,

Unless I give you up.

To parents who are ready, waiting, to raise you.

Ten years wanting, with a ready home.

Parents who have love,

And everything else, too.

If I do it,

If I break my own heart to spare yours,

Will it work?

Will you be happier, healthier this way?

And will I ever be okay again?

This unconventional memoir tells the story of a kinship adoption from the perspective of a birthmother. The intimate narrative will break your heart, then heal it, with new perspectives on adoption, openness, and the complex ways we define family.

Wandering River Press

Own Your Path

Redefining Family: A Birthmother's Path to Wholeness

Learn to scuba alongside Alycea, a claustrophobic bubble watcher determined to overcome her anxiety and explore the reefs.

After a failed scuba class triggered her panic, Alycea swore never to try diving again. But when her husband fell in love with the sport, she faced a decision: overcome the fear or accept her fate as a bubble watcher.

Alycea clung to her identity as a free-spirited explorer as she struggled to master the mechanics of diving. Her focus on self-reliance blocked her from trusting her dive buddy and this conflict extended beyond diving. Was she harming her marriage with her inability to rely on others?

In lyrical prose, this journey is fraught with panic, humor, and dogged determination. From the coral reefs of Florida to the muck sites of Indonesia, you'll revel in the beautiful scenery and triumph in overcoming fear so you can live the life you choose.

This memoir will have you cheering for small successes and reflecting on what it means to trust your partner.

Turtle Envy: How facing the fear of diving added new adventures in life and new depths in love