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The Times

Each week Giles Coren finds himself with no idea what to write about in his weekly column. Having read all the papers and found nothing of interest whatsoever, he takes a break and does the school run. That’s where his wife and fellow journalist Esther Walker comes in. Upon his return, Esther has half a dozen ideas she’s spotted ready to knock around with him over the kitchen table and a much needed pot of coffee.

You can read Giles in The Times here; https://www.thetimes.co.uk/profile/giles-coren

And subscribe to The Times and Sunday Times here; https://www.thetimes.co.uk/subscribe

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Giles Coren Has No Idea

A quick but very loud update on Giles’ snoring. He has recorded himself and it’s been quite a shock. But he has found a new gadget that is aiding him in his quest to return to the marital bed. 

This week is better than Christmas for Giles as the Ashes begin, he plans on adjusting his body clock and not missing a second…and he’ll be dragging a bleary eyed twelve-year-old along for the ride.

Are you rich? Would you admit it if you were? Weary with seemingly well-off people pleading poverty Giles has developed a very simple check list to establish – rich or not rich?

Lastly, the Cambridge Dictionary word of the year is… 

And as always please do get in touch: noidea@thetimes.com

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How to Tell If You Are Rich

Giles has been to see a Bob Vylan gig. 

Bob Vylan are a punk rap duo who hit the headlines when the BBC broadcast their set live from Glastonbury, during which they led a chant of ‘death death to the IDF.’ 

Performing round the corner at the forum in Kentish Town Giles went to see the gig, the various protest and counter protest groups and to talk to some strangers.

If PM Sir Keir Starmer really is under threat who else could fill his shoes – Davina McCall, the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew? There is upheaval at the BBC as the DG and head of news resign on the same day…will Giles be sending in his CV for either of the roles?

Finally, ‘Flesh’ by David Szalay wins the booker prize, what’s it about?

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Bob Vylan - Blood On The Tracks?

Giles is still sleeping apart from Esther because of his snoring. But he is not fully reconciled to the new arrangement. The subject hit a nerve as many listeners have been in touch with ideas to improve the situation – from wired jaws, wedge pillows or intriguingly a trip to Newcastle. After Giles composes himself, he considers a few of the options. 

In more upbeat new Parisians are being offered the chance to win a burial spot next to the likes of Oscar Wilde, Jim Morrison or Edith Piaf in the famous cemeteries of the Père-Lachaise, Montparnasse and Montmartre. So where would Giles and Esther like to be buried?

Lastly, a new charge has started to appear on some restaurant bills – an admin charge. What is it, why is it there and does it mark the end of fine dining…? 

 

And as always please do get in touch: noidea@thetimes.com

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Time's Up For Fine Dining

Sixteen percent of UK couples sleep in separate bedrooms. (Giles knows because he asked Grok.)

Esther and Giles have now joined that group as Giles’ snoring has finally got too much for Esther. Is this a problem that listeners are familiar with…are their other causes for sleeping separately besides snoring? 

Government ministers have announced they will investigate the brightness of modern car headlights, about time to seems to be the response. But can these ministers be relied upon to do such research, given they don’t appear capable of much else? 

A quick question – is it fair to dress dogs up on Halloween? And lastly, having used Grok Giles wonders what a Grok rival to Wikipedia might look and sound like.

 

And as always please do get in touch: noidea@thetimes.com

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We’re Getting a (sleep) Divorce

This week Giles and Esther record the pod in front of a live audience at the Cheltenham Literature Festival.

Giles regales the crowd with tales of his prostate cancer diagnosis, taps up an off-duty doctor for some opinions and wonders what would get Jane Austin cancelled.

Esther demonstrates her grasps of veganism, her unwillingness to read out loud and knows what would get her cancelled.

Special thanks to 'The Nook on Five, Cheltenham's rooftop restaurant' for hosting us. 

And as always please do get in touch: noidea@thetimes.com

 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Live from Cheltenham: ‘Fasting is bo**ocks!’

In a listeners special Esther is delighted to have not read the papers as her and Giles dip into the post bag. They get some book recommendations, test opinion on central heating and to reply to some marvellous listeners. 

In amongst all that if you’ve ever wondered how many people it takes to publish a book and what do they all do Esther can fill you in.

And as always please do get in touch: noidea@thetimes.com

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A Listeners Special: "I hope that was illuminating…”

Giles and Esther had a lovely night out at the theatre, but they’re suffering for it now. 

As the hang overs clear and King Charles requests Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson not to take part in Royal Christmas engagements they wonder which of your relatives would you like to disinvite to Christmas lunch? 

Perhaps the King should utter “Riddikulus!” a spell cast in Harry Potter when faced with a lurking pest. JK Rowling may be doing likewise as her public spat with Emma Watson has resurfaced. Do either deserve our sympathy? 

Stop the press! The British Museum is hosting its own version of The Met Ball…sort of. But who on earth would want to be first name on the guest list? And last but by no means least Esther tests Giles’ fitness…but while he has a hangover. 

And as always please do get in touch especially if you wish to divulge which of your relatives, you’d like to not attend Christmas: noidea@thetimes.com

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A Bleak Christmas for Andrew and Fergie

With more people employed in the parking industry then as full time soldiers are they up to the job of giving Putin a ticket? Giles turns to some great war films for inspiration:

“Did you issue the parking ticket!?” 

“Goddam right I did!”

The Booker Prize announced its short list this week, with one notable omission and one baffling inclusion – Giles is not happy. 

After the break is it too early in the year to put on the central heating – over to you dear listener. Recent research suggests that bravery is a more attractive trait than brawn. But what if your date is a psychopath who just likes starting fights...?

Lastly, yet another use for Bamboo. 

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Your Country Needs YOU... To be a Traffic Warden

President Donald Trump has been honoured with a second state visit to the UK. He had a stay at Windsor castle, met Esther’s sister and took a trip to Chequers. But what would have given him a more realistic reflection of Great Britain? Join a queue, attend A&E, get stuck in a traffic jam…? 

In his column last week, Giles incurred the wrath of Times readers…again. He wrote about the inflated guesstimates of the numbers attending the Tommy Robinson march. Confused as to why readers are so annoyed, he wonders if he is still in tune with the average reader? 

After the break, a tribute to Hollywood great Robert Redford and who will win this year’s booker prize?

Please send your book recommendations or favourite Robert Redford films to: noidea@thetimes.com

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Trump Takes the Rail Replacement

Swings and roundabouts as Giles and Esther return from their summer break. Giles has had an awkward week, but Esther is ready for the release of her debut novel.

In the news; why are Beyonce and Jay-Z moving to the Cotswolds, do they want to go shooting and pay ten pounds for a sausage roll? Sticking with Z, Gen Z are embracing the crowded tea rooms of the National Trust with membership for the 18-25’s on the rise. What could possibly be the reason for the increase?

After the break Giles enlists the help of AI and Greg Wallace to interview Esther about her new book – “Well, This Is Awkward”.

And as always please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

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Well, This Is Awkward

Giles and Esther return refreshed from a half-term halloween break to flick through the papers; from Potter power and Hancock in the jungle, to saving the Bounty and a dining institution. Ben shook off a horrendous migraine to record the show...a day later than usual - but did it help give Giles more time to work on his column?

Get more of The Times and The Sunday Times for less than £1 a day - visit www.thetimes.co.uk/gilescorenhasnoidea to start your free trial.

Producer: Ben Mitchell

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