How to Test Negative for Stupid: And Why Washington Never Will

Narrated by John Kennedy himself, this audiobook of “America’s most quotable Senator” offers his perceptive (and hilarious) takes on the ridiculousness of political life in this scathingly witty takedown of Washington and its elite denizens.

How to Test Negative for Stupid offers the Senator’s tongue-in-cheek guidebook through Washington, punctuated by his thoughts on various issues and humorous stories about life from Louisiana politics and inside the Senate.

From the mind—and mouth—of ""America's Most Quotable Senator"":

• “Always be yourself . . . unless you suck.” • “I say this gently: This is why the aliens won’t talk to us.” • “If you trust government, you obviously failed history class.” • “I believe that our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.” • “Always follow your heart . . . but take your brain with you.” • “I’m not going to Bubble Wrap it: The water in Washington, D.C., won’t clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek.” • “I have the right to remain silent but not the ability.” • “Common sense is illegal in Washington, D.C., I know. I’ve seen it firsthand.” • “I believe that we are going to have to get some new conspiracy theories. All the old ones turned out to be true.”

© 2025 Broadside Books (Audiobook): 9780063428195

Release date

Audiobook: 7 October 2025