In GERMANY?!

Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete catch their breath after a chaotic night of European football which saw Bayern get past a spirited Celtic without even using Eric Dier or Vincent Kompany’s studded cowboy boots.

We also recap head loss deluxe across the rest of Europe, with awful diving and embarrassing tantrums aplenty. Elsewhere, a Liverpool fan opens the scoring at Everton’s new home - classic Everton - and we join Neymar’s campaign to ban artificial pitches. Plus, in disgraceful news, the FA has agreed to let Thomas Tuchel work from home. IN GERMANY. The game has definitively gone.

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