Summary of John Kim & Vanessa Bennett's It's Not Me, It's You

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.

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#1 It’s not the picket fence that’s the nightmare, it’s what’s underneath it. The American Dream is not producing the type of relationships we want. We have no idea how to create a safe space, communicate effectively, or fight without fighting. And that’s why people end up in therapy. Not because they got married at twenty-two and now their marriage is a problem. Not because they cheated on their significant other with a coworker. Not because they’re having an affair. But because when we don’t grow up and figure out what we want and how to get there, we don’t take the time to build a relationship before jumping into something else. The nightmare is what happens when you find yourself in the same relationship over and over again, with the same people, the same circumstances, yet still feeling unhappy. You begin to question: Is this my relationship. Or is this something else. -> The most common reason our clients end up working with us is because they got married in their teens or twenties, had kids, and then found themselves in the same relationship over and over again with the same people, circumstances, and still feeling unhappy.

#2 The American Dream is not producing the relationships we want. We don’t know how to create a safe space, communicate effectively, or fight without fighting.

#3 We are not perfect, and we struggle. We keep showing up, over and over, to learn from what happened and then try again. We turn things over and inspect them from all sides, own what is ours, and then recommit to the work.

#4 I manifested John. I had a deep sense that I was on the right path, and I met him because my friend turned me on to his Instagram page.

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