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Hlustaðu og lestu

The Times

Each week Giles Coren finds himself with no idea what to write about in his weekly column. Having read all the papers and found nothing of interest whatsoever, he takes a break and does the school run. That’s where his wife and fellow journalist Esther Walker comes in. Upon his return, Esther has half a dozen ideas she’s spotted ready to knock around with him over the kitchen table and a much needed pot of coffee.

You can read Giles in The Times here; https://www.thetimes.co.uk/profile/giles-coren

And subscribe to The Times and Sunday Times here; https://www.thetimes.co.uk/subscribe

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Giles Coren Has No Idea

Sixteen percent of UK couples sleep in separate bedrooms. (Giles knows because he asked Grok.)

Esther and Giles have now joined that group as Giles’ snoring has finally got too much for Esther. Is this a problem that listeners are familiar with…are their other causes for sleeping separately besides snoring? 

Government ministers have announced they will investigate the brightness of modern car headlights, about time to seems to be the response. But can these ministers be relied upon to do such research, given they don’t appear capable of much else? 

A quick question – is it fair to dress dogs up on Halloween? And lastly, having used Grok Giles wonders what a Grok rival to Wikipedia might look and sound like.

 

And as always please do get in touch: noidea@thetimes.com

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We’re Getting a (sleep) Divorce

This week Giles and Esther record the pod in front of a live audience at the Cheltenham Literature Festival.

Giles regales the crowd with tales of his prostate cancer diagnosis, taps up an off-duty doctor for some opinions and wonders what would get Jane Austin cancelled.

Esther demonstrates her grasps of veganism, her unwillingness to read out loud and knows what would get her cancelled.

Special thanks to 'The Nook on Five, Cheltenham's rooftop restaurant' for hosting us. 

And as always please do get in touch: noidea@thetimes.com

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Live from Cheltenham: ‘Fasting is bo**ocks!’

In a listeners special Esther is delighted to have not read the papers as her and Giles dip into the post bag. They get some book recommendations, test opinion on central heating and to reply to some marvellous listeners. 

In amongst all that if you’ve ever wondered how many people it takes to publish a book and what do they all do Esther can fill you in.

And as always please do get in touch: noidea@thetimes.com

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A Listeners Special: "I hope that was illuminating…”

Giles and Esther had a lovely night out at the theatre, but they’re suffering for it now. 

As the hang overs clear and King Charles requests Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson not to take part in Royal Christmas engagements they wonder which of your relatives would you like to disinvite to Christmas lunch? 

Perhaps the King should utter “Riddikulus!” a spell cast in Harry Potter when faced with a lurking pest. JK Rowling may be doing likewise as her public spat with Emma Watson has resurfaced. Do either deserve our sympathy? 

Stop the press! The British Museum is hosting its own version of The Met Ball…sort of. But who on earth would want to be first name on the guest list? And last but by no means least Esther tests Giles’ fitness…but while he has a hangover. 

And as always please do get in touch especially if you wish to divulge which of your relatives, you’d like to not attend Christmas: noidea@thetimes.com

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A Bleak Christmas for Andrew and Fergie

With more people employed in the parking industry then as full time soldiers are they up to the job of giving Putin a ticket? Giles turns to some great war films for inspiration:

“Did you issue the parking ticket!?” 

“Goddam right I did!”

The Booker Prize announced its short list this week, with one notable omission and one baffling inclusion – Giles is not happy. 

After the break is it too early in the year to put on the central heating – over to you dear listener. Recent research suggests that bravery is a more attractive trait than brawn. But what if your date is a psychopath who just likes starting fights...?

Lastly, yet another use for Bamboo. 

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Your Country Needs YOU... To be a Traffic Warden

President Donald Trump has been honoured with a second state visit to the UK. He had a stay at Windsor castle, met Esther’s sister and took a trip to Chequers. But what would have given him a more realistic reflection of Great Britain? Join a queue, attend A&E, get stuck in a traffic jam…? 

In his column last week, Giles incurred the wrath of Times readers…again. He wrote about the inflated guesstimates of the numbers attending the Tommy Robinson march. Confused as to why readers are so annoyed, he wonders if he is still in tune with the average reader? 

After the break, a tribute to Hollywood great Robert Redford and who will win this year’s booker prize?

Please send your book recommendations or favourite Robert Redford films to: noidea@thetimes.com

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Trump Takes the Rail Replacement

Swings and roundabouts as Giles and Esther return from their summer break. Giles has had an awkward week, but Esther is ready for the release of her debut novel.

In the news; why are Beyonce and Jay-Z moving to the Cotswolds, do they want to go shooting and pay ten pounds for a sausage roll? Sticking with Z, Gen Z are embracing the crowded tea rooms of the National Trust with membership for the 18-25’s on the rise. What could possibly be the reason for the increase?

After the break Giles enlists the help of AI and Greg Wallace to interview Esther about her new book – “Well, This Is Awkward”.

And as always please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

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Well, This Is Awkward

It’s the last episode before a summer break. Giles and Esther open the post bag to answer some of your questions. There are love stories, restaurant reviews, far flung listeners, potters, dating advice, film recommendations and more.

As always please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

Have a lovely summer – see you in September

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Listeners' Questions

England’s female football team – the Lionesses - have reached the final of Euro 2025. Giles is intrigued to know who is following their progress. 

A government initiative to limit public services to UK billionaires prompts an idea…what other mundane day to day activities should billionaires be prohibited from doing? Riding the top deck of a bus? If there is an art to holiday packing, Esther has mastered it – one pillow, one can of WD40 and a knife. Job done! What would a resourceful Girl Guide do with such a collection of items…fashion a 'think positive' badge perhaps?

Lastly, dear old King Charles has launched a range beard grooming products. No comedy in that…none whatsoever. Anyone for a jar of royal goolie washer?

Please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

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England in the final but does anyone really care?

Giles has been triggered. The BBC/Banijay investigation into allegations surrounding former Master Chef presenter Greg Wallace has published its findings. The results are enough to sack not only Greg Wallace, but also former co-host John Torode. Rather than sack Mr Torode perhaps the BBC could kindly draft a resignation statement for him, sighting the stress of recent events and challenges to his mental health…not so fast! Giles is furious about the whole matter.

The BBC isn’t all bad, this week President Trump gave an interview to their reporter Gary O'Donoghue. In the interview President Trump revealed that he doesn’t really trust anyone. Which poses the question, how important is trust? 

This week we were given the first glimpse of the actor who will play Harry Potter in the new HBO series. Have they sprung a surprise?

Lastly, as a new iteration of Barbie is unveiled - diabetic Barbie, what others could there be...?

Please do get in touch with any comments or questions: noidea@thetimes.com

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The Master Chef Mess

Giles and Esther try to find another column idea from this week's papers; from public speaking and Peppa Pig to TV vicars and public speaking. Giles is finding great joy in organising the office Christmas party whilst Esther is recovering from surgery...Listener Poll - does Giles find Esther being on Crutches: A) Funny B) Annoying C) Has been incredibly caring and sympathetic.

Get more of The Times and The Sunday Times for less than £1 a day. Visit thetimes.co.uk/gilescorenhasnoidea to start your free trial.

Producer: Ben Mitchell

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A Columnists Christmas

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