Wiser World

88. Conflict Avoidance Leads to Conflict: How Skilled Negotiators Build Lasting Peace // Stan ChristensenWhat does negotiation have to do with peacemaking? Turns out, A LOT. Stan Christensen has spent decades negotiating in over 75 countries — between governments, ethnic groups, and armed factions — and he joins Wiser World to bring that hard-won wisdom down to earth. We talk about why conflict avoidance creates more conflict, how trust is built and broken, what skilled negotiators do differently, and why Stan believes there is no such thing as an intractable conflict. This one will change how you see every difficult conversation in your life. Check out Stan's podcast "All Things Negotiation" to learn more about negotiation. Transcript for this episode. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 – Introduction & Stan's background 02:57 – What is negotiation, really? 04:10 – How negotiation and peacemaking differ 05:33 – Inside peace negotiations: what actually happens in the room 06:59 – What separates skilled negotiators from unskilled ones 09:27 – "Conflict avoidance leads to conflict" 10:20 – The key skills: curiosity, inquiry, and the orange story 14:41 – How trust is built (and broken) 17:32 – Why negotiation is never really a one-time thing 20:37 – How culture shapes negotiation (Colombia & France stories) 32:27 – The power of questioning your own assumptions 35:52 – There is no such thing as an intractable conflict 37:41 – The Peru-Ecuador story: finding common ground 40:50 – A seven-element framework for preparing to negotiate 44:56 – Reframing conflict as "creative problem solving" 48:41 – Negotiating with someone who has more power than you 53:04 – The role of emotion in conflict resolution 55:35 – "Go to the balcony": how to avoid getting emotionally hijacked 59:19 – Why we all under-apologize — and why it matters 1:02:25 – Apology at the macro level: why politicians won't do it 1:05:35 – What gives Stan hope 1:07:21 – Stan's one takeaway for listeners For Wiser World: Find additional resources, ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and support the podcast at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/wiserworldpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Join us on Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/wiserworldpodcast/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up for our free weekly email newsletter at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://wiserworld.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

90|1H 12min

83. Peacemaking, Reframed: The Art of Productive Discourse // Steven CollisMost of us think peacemaking means keeping the peace — avoiding conflict, not ruffling feathers, smoothing things over. But what if that's actually not peacemaking? In this episode, I sit down with Steven Collis — law professor, First Amendment scholar, and author of Habits of a Peacemaker — to dig into what productive dialogue actually looks like in real life. Not in a boardroom or a courtroom, but in your home, your family, your neighborhood. We talk about why intellectual humility is the foundation of everything, how to reframe a conversation from a fight into a treasure hunt, why you probably don't need a strong opinion on most things, and what it actually means to listen — not just wait for your turn to talk. This one is packed. I think you're going to love it. Find additional resources, ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and support the podcast at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/wiserworldpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Join us on Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/wiserworldpodcast/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up for our free weekly email newsletter at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://wiserworld.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ TIMESTAMPS [00:00] — Why keeping the peace isn't the same as making peace [01:30] — Introducing Steven Collis and how he got interested in peacemaking [03:37] — What is peacemaking, really? Steven reframes it as "productive discourse" [06:32] — Intellectual humility: the most important habit of a peacemaker [07:40] — How to hold humility and conviction at the same time [11:27] — Do you actually need an opinion on everything? (Probably not.) [12:41] — Reframing conversations as a treasure hunt for understanding [14:44] — Live example: how to defuse a heated argument as a third party [19:02] — Real learning vs. being fed: how peacemakers gather information [22:06] — How to navigate media bias and find overlap across opposing sources [25:35] — Why you should hunt for the best argument against your own position [30:48] — Comment sections, bots, and why online arguing is mostly a waste of your life [34:11] — What to do when someone comes at you hard — and how to reframe it [35:04] — What happens when someone genuinely won't engage? Is there a point of no return? [38:50] — The lost art of pausing before you respond [42:35] — Active listening: why most of us are terrible at it and how to get better [50:41] — Going into a conversation with an open mind — what that actually looks like [52:20] — Is peacemaking being weaponized? When "don't stir things up" becomes avoidance [55:31] — The difference between being a peacemaker and being a pushover [1:04:45] — How to have productive dialogue with someone who has more power than you [1:09:48] — Finding where the real disagreement actually lives [1:13:00] — If you remember one thing: don't give up on becoming a peacemaker Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

85|1H 20min

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