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Lyssna när som helst, var som helst

Michael W. Taft


Dedicated to liberation in all its forms, Deconstructing Yourself is passionate about fearlessly investigating, attempting, and questioning all things to do with awakening, meditation, mindfulness, brain hacking, consciousness, neurofeedback, and more.

Your host Michael W. Taft interviews some of the most interesting thinkers, authors, and teachers around, as well as other offerings. In this hard-hitting, radical, and fun podcast we look at secular post-, non-, un- Buddhism, Vajrayana, nondual Hindu Tantra, philosophy, the neuroscience of the sense of self, neurofeedback and the consciousness hacking movement, aspects of artificial intelligence, entheogens, and much more.

If you’re looking for fresh directions, free from dogma and conformism, think of the Deconstructing Yourself podcast as the radical cafe where you can hear from the most interesting luminaries either from the outside edges of dharma, or a fresh take from more traditional teachers. If you’re interested in more, check out the Deconstructing Yourself website at https://deconstructingyourself.com.


Deconstructing Yourself

Join host Michael Taft as he talks with Sravana Borkataky-Varma and Anya Foxen about the wild history of Kundalini—from it’s ancient Tantric roots to modern global yoga culture—including subtle-body maps, spontaneous awakenings, and so-called “Kundalini syndromes.” They explore how different traditions define the serpent power, when experiences become breakdowns or breakthroughs, the role of teachers and lineages, and why “energy” can’t be reduced to either neuroscience or fantasy. Along the way they dive into siddhis, the imaginal realm, goddess-centered practice, and what actually changes in your life and psyche when this mysterious force wakes up.

Sravana Borkataky-Varma specializes in Hindu traditions, in particular, she delves into topics such as esoteric rituals and bodily concepts, especially in relation to Hindu śākta tantra traditions, often referred to as goddess tantra. She adopts a research methodology that blends social anthropology—examined from an outside perspective—with elements of reflexive autoethnography that reflect her personal experiences. As an educator, she holds the position of Instructional Assistant Professor at the University of Houston. She has formerly taught at Harvard Divinity School, Rice University, to name a few. Sravana is committed to building communities that bring together individuals from various religious backgrounds who aspire to lead lives marked by kindness and compassion. The Serpent's Tale: Kuṇḍalinī, Yoga, and the History of an Experience, Embodied Pedagogies in the Study of Religion: Transforming the Classroom, are two of her recent books, among many other books and articles. More information about Sravana can be found on her website, https://sravanaspeaks.com/

Anya Foxen is a historian and comparativist scholar of religion. She is currently an Associate Professor of Religious Studies at California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, as well as a Research Associate at the Center for the Study of World Religions at Harvard University. Her scholarly research focuses on the intersection of South Asian yogic and tantric traditions with Western esotericism and metaphysical spiritualities. She is the author of four books, including Inhaling Spirit: Harmonialism, Orientalism, and the Western Roots of Modern Yoga, and, most recently, The Serpent’s Tale: Kuṇḍalinī, Yoga, and the History of an Experience. She is also a teacher and long-time practitioner of yoga. Learn more about Anya at https://www.anyafoxen.com/

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Chasing the Serpent’s Tail with Sravana Borkataky-Varma and Anya Foxen

Host Michael Taft talks with Jake Orthwein about the self as a construction, the distinction between no-self and emptiness, the crucial difference between having a functional ego and being identified with it, psychedelics and meditation and ego dissolution, the Buddha-nature vs. the True Self, dereification vs. defabrication, Taft’s distinction of nondual one vs. nondual two, and the importance of a healthy ego.

Jake Orthwein is a filmmaker based in Brooklyn, NY, and a dharma student of Michael Taft’s. His most recent film, “Unraveling the Dream,” was produced in collaboration with the Waking Up app and focuses on the history and neuroscience of psychedelics. 

Jake's website

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Nonduality and the Ego with Jake Orthwein

Host Michael Taft talks with meditation coach Peter McEwen about devotion in meditation practice, the need for stability in groundlessness, the ontological status of deities, common failure modes of practice, how to handle formless panic, the magical matrix, and the lasting power and beauty of deity yoga in the Vajrayana tradition.

Peter McEwen is a meditation coach and the founder of The Field, which offers training, community, and the demystification of basic contemplative practices. Peter McEwen has been an ordained Vajrayana yogi since 1993 under the tutelage of Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, Lama Pema Dorje Rinpoche, and Bruce Tift. He has completed the traditional 3-year retreat curriculum of Vajrayana Buddhism.

Peter's website The Field

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Talking about Deity Yoga with Peter McEwen

Host Michael Taft continues his conversation with with Andrew Holecek about the transformative practice of Dark Retreat; the reasons behind the recent surge of interest in darkness practices; its relationship to the feminine principle and as an antidote to runaway patriarchy; the three “tracks” or “schools” of dark retreat in Tibetan Vajrayana: Kalachakra, Nyingma, and Bön; the power of darkness for working with fear, fear of death, projections; fear as a sign that you're close to the truth, and hints for integration post darkness.

Andrew Holecek is an interdisciplinary scholar-practitioner in Tibetan Buddhism and other nondual wisdom traditions. He is the Resident Contemplative Scholar at the Institute for Advanced Consciousness Studies, and a research consultant for the Cognitive Neuroscience Program at Northwestern University. His work involves studies on dream yoga and the practice of dark retreat. Dr. Holecek is a member of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, the author of nine books, and a concert pianist. He has completed the Tibetan Buddhist three-year retreat and is a frequent subject in scientific studies on meditation and lucid dreaming. His work integrates ancient wisdom traditions with contemporary perspectives, aiming to help individuals navigate spiritual challenges and end-of-life experiences. He is currently writing two books on dark retreat. Holecek holds degrees in classical music, biology, and a doctorate in dental surgery.

Andrew Holecek’s website

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Talking about Dark Retreat, Part 2 with Andrew Holecek

Host Michael Taft talks with author David Godman about the sage Ramana Maharshi and his nondual view of the world, whether he considered taking sannyasa (renunciation) to be necessary to achieve awakening, the power of the physical presence of the guru, Sri Ramana's seemingly miraculous learning of Sanskrit, an introduction to Lakshmana Swami—a very advanced student of Ramana, with whom David Godman sat in the 1970s and 80s, Tamil poetry of awakening, and—in a surprising reveal—David Godman endorses a new jnani who lives in Tiruvannamalai.

David Godman has been living in India since 1976, studying and practising the teachings of Ramana Maharshi. During that period he has met and written extensively about many direct disciples of Sri Ramana, including Lakshmana Swamy, Muruganar, Papaji and Annamalai Swami. David has also been involved in several projects that have translated Ramana Maharshi’s Tamil teachings and made them available in English for the first time. His anthology of dialogues with Sri Ramana, Be As You Are, is, outside India, the most widely-read book on Sri Ramana’s teachings.

https://www.davidgodman.org/

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A Conversation with David Godman

Host Michael Taft speaks with Andrew Holecek about the transformative practice of Dark Retreat, how the mind “falls into itself,” light as obfuscator, the revelation of the construction of reality, the power—and very real dangers—of Dark Retreat, ways to begin the practice of Dark Retreat, nondual view, Andrew’s own journey into this practice, and the “collision with the infinite.”

Andrew Holecek is an interdisciplinary scholar-practitioner in Tibetan Buddhism and other nondual wisdom traditions. He is the Resident Contemplative Scholar at the Institute for Advanced Consciousness Studies, and a research consultant for the Cognitive Neuroscience Program at Northwestern University. His work involves studies on dream yoga and the practice of dark retreat. Dr. Holecek is a member of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, the author of nine books, and a concert pianist. He has completed the Tibetan Buddhist three-year retreat and is a frequent subject in scientific studies on meditation and lucid dreaming. His work integrates ancient wisdom traditions with contemporary perspectives, aiming to help individuals navigate spiritual challenges and end-of-life experiences. He is currently writing two books on dark retreat. Holecek holds degrees in classical music, biology, and a doctorate in dental surgery.

Andrew Holecek’s website

You can support the creation of future episodes of this podcast by contributing through Patreon.

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Talking about Dark Retreat, with Andrew Holecek

Host Michael Taft speaks with meditation teacher, clinical psychologist, and author Dr. Tucker Peck about the the difference between developing a clear understanding of how your psychology works and feeling just how you want to feel all the time; the importance of focusing on mental process verses mental content, his practical definitions of sanity and sainthood, his three-stage model of meditation, and what it’s like after years of daily meditation practice. 

Dr. Tucker Peck is a meditation teacher, clinical psychologist, and author. A former professor, he is the founding director of the scholarship fund Open Dharma Foundation, and co-host of the podcast Teaching Meditation. Tucker’s first book, Sanity and Sainthood, debuted as a #1 bestseller in 2025. He teaches a weekly class in-person at the San Francisco Dharma Collective, and has been teaching an online class for advanced meditators since 2012.

You can find Tucker, and see the retreats he's teaching, at meditatewithtucker.com. You can also follow him on Twitter at tucker_peck. In the US, you can buy Sanity and Sainthood at this link, or outside the US, at any major online retailer (like Amazon).

You can support the creation of future episodes of this podcast by contributing through Patreon.

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Sanity and Sainthood, with Dr. Tucker Peck

Host Michael Taft speaks with Stephen Snyder Sensei about practicing the Pa Auk jhanas, the importance of vulnerability in finding authentic strength, his two paths for awakening: the Theravada cessation path and the Zen shikantaza path, how to balance psychological work with awakening, seeing the enlightened qualities of anger (and other difficult emotions), what are “protective” meditations, the three levels of shikantaza practice, koan practice, aloneness as a spiritual path, and the three factors he feels must be present for a true awakening.

Stephen Mugen Snyder, Sensei began practicing daily meditation in 1976. Since then, he has studied Buddhism extensively—investigating and engaging in Zen, Tibetan, Theravada, and Western non-dual traditions. He was authorized to teach in the Theravada Buddhist tradition in 2007 and the Zen Buddhist schools of Soto and Rinzai in 2022. Stephen is a senior student of Roshi Mark Sando Mininberg and a transmitted teacher in the White Plum Asanga—the body of teachers in the Maezumi-roshi lineage. Stephen is the author of many books, including Trust in Awakening, Demystifying Awakening and Buddha’s Heart. 

Stephen Snyder’s website: https://awakeningdharma.org/

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Awakening, Cessation, and Vulnerability, with Stephen Snyder

Host Michael Taft continues a lively discussion with author and ayurvedic physician Dr. Robert Svoboda about the Aghora method of transmutation, alignment with nature, deity yoga, deities as a co-creation of humans and a cosmic force, the path of knowledge vs. the path of devotion, enjoying the flavor of reality, and the foundational importance of devotion. 

Dr. Robert Svoboda is an American author and ayurvedic doctor who gives lectures and courses around the world, related to the subjects of ayurveda, jyotish, tantra, and Eastern religion. Svoboda is the first Westerner to graduate from a college of ayurveda and be licensed to practice ayurveda in India. He is author of eleven books, including Prakriti: Your Ayurvedic Constitution (1989), and the Aghora trilogy about his guru, Vimalananda, and the Aghori sect.

Dr. Svoboda’s website

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Aghora, Deities, and Devotion with Dr. Robert Svoboda

Host Michael Taft talks with Vajrayana teacher and author Charlie Awbery about the meaning of their practice name Rin'dzin Pamo, Tantra, curiosity, new developments in the Evolving Ground community, the role of play and spontaneity in Vajrayana, a special invocation written by them and David Chapman, when the teacher/student relationship breaks down, transformation, and how to liberate the shadow.

Rin'dzin Pamo, also known as Charlie Awbery, author of Opening Awareness; a Guide to Finding Vividness in Spacious Clarity, is a meditation and leadership coach. They are also the co-founder of Evolving Ground a community of contemporary Vajrayana practice. Rin'dzin practiced and studied Vajrayana for thirty years alongside working in international development and human rights. They write at vajrayananow.com

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Invocation and Shadow with Charlie Awbery

Host Michael Taft speaks with author and journalist Erik Davis about the power of partaking in the forbidden and the loss when formerly forbidden things become normalized, particularly in the case of psychedelics; Tantric and Christian modes of transgression, power relationships and the guru, hedonism, rule-breaking, the desire for having safe spiritual practice environments, and the role of risk in spiritual development.

Erik Davis is an author, podcaster, award-winning journalist, and popular speaker based in San Francisco. He is probably best known for his book TechGnosis a cult classic of visionary media studies that investigates how our fascination with technology intersects with the religious imagination. Erik’s most recent book is High Weirdness: Drugs, Esoterica, and Visionary Experience in the Seventies. Erik is also a long-term practitioner of meditation, particularly in the Zen tradition. 

Erik Davis' Substack: The Burning Shore

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Transgression with Erik Davis

Lyssna när som helst, var som helst

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