Summary of Michael J. Bader's Arousal

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.

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#1 The quest for psychological safety is at the center of our psychological lives. It is the concept that helps us understand the meaning behind our sexual fantasies and arousal. The unconscious mind is constantly working to help us pursue our goals in the safest way possible.

#2 We must maintain a secure attachment to our parents to ensure that we survive psychologically. We do this by reading our family environments and adapting to them, and by changing ourselves to meet our parents’ needs.

#3 We adapt to reality, and we adapt to it as if it were also morality. We begin to believe that any wish for special caretaking and love is forbidden, off-limits, as if it meant asking for too much. We not only have to accept neglect, but we must make it seem as if the fault lies with us, not with our parents.

#4 Pathogenic beliefs are difficult to change, and they often take the form of simple ideas that are difficult to disprove, such as: If I’m critical, my therapist will get angry. If I’m dependent, my parents will feel drained. If I’m independent, my parents will feel left out.

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