Summary of Stan Tatkin's We do

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book. Book Preview:

#1 A secure-functioning relationship is one that is reliable, dependable, and trustworthy. It is reciprocal and respectful. It is based on the principles of fairness, justice, and sensitivity. It is how two people work together to get what they want and avoid what they don’t want.

#2 The main purpose of pair-bonding is to feel safe and secure in the world. We have a mutual need to survive in an unpredictable world. If partners don’t understand that their principal function is to keep each other safe from each other and from the outside world, they will trivialize the meaning of their partnership.

#3 There are two types of threats to your relationship: big T and small t. If you experience any big T threat in your current relationship, get out now. If you have been a victim of physical or sexual abuse or life threat, your partner must be informed and must be an appropriate healing partner for you.

#4 Coregulation is the process of co-managing emotional states, and it is essential to relationship safety, security, and longevity. It is difficult to predict which couples will be good at it, but many struggle.

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Rafbók: 20 april 2022