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Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/author/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share on this show is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Find this podcast on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/sarahmayb

Help Me Be Me

This is for working on relationships in your life where you have weak boundaries. If there is a loved one who doesn’t respect your boundaries and you feel guilty for needing space from them, know that that is part of your upbringing and the feeling of needing space is your emotional health saying “I need to heal.” This is an episode to give you some relief around that set of feelings. It has some tools for coming into the present, tuning into your body. 

Truly healthy and loving relationships are built between two capable individuals who show up with heartfelt effort. This also applies with your relationship to yourself: you need to show up for you and set consistent boundaries around harmful situations. If there’s a person in your life who is not honoring you and your values, it’s up to you to boundary how you deserve to be treated. There need to be consequences when someone is not treating you with basic human respect. If there’s a person in your life who is having all their cake while you beg for emotional crumbs, this is an episode about confronting change and moving toward action. The inner world will match the outer world: your bar has to be consistent for everyone in your life otherwise your self-worth is affected in all spheres. Sending love! 

Sponsors:

Factor: FactorMeals.com/HELPMEBEME50OFF and use
code HELPMEBEME50OFF to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year.

BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first
month of therapy 

Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit

Ritual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month

TruDiagnostic: TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for
20% off your entire order or subscription
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 263: Enforcing Healthy Boundaries – Cake eaters + crumb beggars

We have a finite reserve of drive, otherwise known as libido. Libido is often used to refer to sexual desire but it also refers to a psychological drive – an energy for life satisfaction. In this episode I am referring to your drive and your ibido as psychic energy in general. This is about protecting your source of drive: channeling it toward that which you truly desire on a deep, personal level. Often in life, our drive gets fractured or frustrated by the needs of others or by filling the void with things like substances. 

I invite you to reflect on what’s happening in your life and where your libido is currently going. It needs to be channeled toward that which is most important to you. We must create a strong and consistent “container” or safe space for ourselves to bring forth any goal. Whatever condition in your life is stealing you away from a goal – I encourage you to be active in that fight even if it is unpleasant. That is a step in the process of change. Being in the struggle is how we move planets in our life.

The books I mention in the episode are here:

https://amzn.to/3XkmC17

https://amzn.to/43eEyOg

 And this is the dreamwork book:

https://amzn.to/3Xg3i5a

Support our sponsors:
Chewy: chewpanions.chewy.com/YAYWITHME to get $20 off your first order.Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job creditBetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month of therapy Ritual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month TruDiagnostic: TruDiagnostic.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscriptionBubs Naturals: BubsNaturals.com and use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 262: Protecting Your Drive – Channeling Life Force

Sometimes there is a path forward that we have not leveraged because we spin out in guilty ruminations and projections. You may want to get out of a relationship or change a condition in your life, but you defer to another person’s thoughts as you imagine them in your own mind. We often block ourselves from aligning with a truth with self-limiting beliefs and guilt because for codependents guilt is INTENSE. This is about ways that codependency can show up: allowing the feelings of others to block us from what we want.

This is aimed at reflection and a chance to look inward. I wanted to say if you’re in a place like this – you feel stuck and it feels like it’s all on this other person, that is an opportunity to step back, tune in, and practice letting go. Sending love…

The book I mention is this lovely read:

https://amzn.to/4oB0o6I

Sponsors:

Factor: FactorMeals.com/HELPMEBEME50OFF and use code HELPMEBEME50OFF to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year.BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month of therapy Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job creditHeadspace: Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 daysRitual: ritual.com/helpmebeme for 25% your first month
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 261: Guilty Blocks: Finding the way forward

Or having enough of yourself to channel toward that which you are gifted to bring into this world. This is for those cultivating a creative dream who are struggling to get into creative flow. This episode has tools for jumpstarting a sense of inner drive that comes from knowing oneself. 

Where you might be right now: energetically “occupied.” Relationships take up a lot of time and remove our mental ability to think autonomously. As do jobs. In general, if we are unable to access flow it’s a sign we are spiritually taxed. Sometimes that is because life has made you neglect that part of yourself. Sometimes your creative muscles are just out of use. And other times it’s because someone hurt you and it has given you performance anxiety. 

Protect your energy - it is precious, the most finite resource you have. To access that place of flow and drive, we need safety and private psychic space. What I will go into in this episode is how to start to build up
a routine and get moving toward your creative goal.

Sponsors:

Chewy: chewpanions.chewy.com/YAYWITHME to save $20 off your first
order 

Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for
a $75 sponsored job credit

Headspace: Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all
of Headspace FREE for 60 days

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 260: Cultivating a Dream - Reclaiming a lost self

Losing, feeling low, less-than, not winning at something. This is for a perspective flip: seeing every place as exactly where you need to be, at a given time. We all have seasons in our life and cycles we move through. Cycles of productivity, growth, success, and then there is also resetting – where we are brought into a new, full understanding of reality. This is important and though painful, it also serves a role in your life: think of it as the winter of your cycle. 

A Seneca quote that feels appropriate: “No man is more
unhappy than he who never faces adversity.”

Friction is how we move into new levels and capacities for joy and depth. When we return to the barren state, we check in with self and with life: where am I and where should I be going? There is new information to be brought in and it brings about the reshaping of self. This episode has some tools to look at your loss or your feeling of lowness as a winter opportunity for inquiry and change. This can be a moment of truth, acceptance, reconciliation. If something has recently hit you – do not panic, do not reject it, but allow the change to wash over you. Sending love…
Sponsors:

AquaTru.com -
use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off any AquaTru purifier 

Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for
a $75 sponsored job credit

 Wayfair.com

Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60
days

 TruDiagnostic.com and
use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription

betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first
month of therapy 

 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 259: On Losing – Pivoting When You Feel Less-Than

This episode is really about living a life of meaning and being intentional in that approach to today. Tools for focusing your energy on on vibrating toward good – whatever that looks like for YOU, right
now. What do you live for? Is your life designed around this thing? I don’t mean living for a job or a mission, necessarily. I also mean things like “hiking with my dog” or “mountain biking.” 

This episode is about returning to yourself, coming back to who you are through deliberate efforts. We are constantly recalibrating. 

I read a quote recently by E.L. Doctoro about writing a novel. “Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.' Self-work and healing is also like driving a car at night. You can make the whole trip that way, you don’t need to see it all at once. Just focus on being deliberate and intentional in how you approach today – only today, right now. We return to ourselves when we create conditions that remind us of our origins. 

 

The book I mention is here:

https://amzn.to/4mcnBKM

Sponsors:

Chewy: chewy.com/podhelpmebeme to save $20 on
your first order with free shipping 

Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for
a $75 sponsored job credit

 Wayfair.com

Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all
of Headspace FREE for 60 days

 TruDiagnostic.com and
use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription

 

 

 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 258: Hello Soul: Designing your life around meaning and purpose

What is love bombing? It’s a term used to describe the initial phase of a relationship when someone is trying to “seal the deal” with intoxicating affection. The person connects quick and hard, often validating you in ways you have craved your whole life; saying all the things you want to hear, treating you like you have dreamed of being treated. They make you feel seen and adored, which is why it’s so confusing and painful when it ends. 

 

A lot of people ask me, what happened to that person? Was it not real? It was real for you in your personal experience – however the person who enacted it was not portraying their true self. A person like this usually collects fans. They collect adorers, and they get off on the feeling of control. So I describe it often as a person with a different kind of brain. More on this plus some tools in this episode. This is for one person in particular but also meant for anyone who has fallen for a person who immediately disposed of you after you thought they were the one. And if you’ve been love-bombed and then deeply wounded, I send you much love. Hang in there. xox

 

Support this week’s sponsors!

LolaBlankets.com - use
code HELPMEBEME for 35% off

AquaTru.com -
use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off any AquaTru purifier 

Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored
job credit

 Wayfair.com

Headspace.com/HELPMEBEME60 to unlock all
of Headspace FREE for 60 days

 TruDiagnostic.com and
use code HELPMEBEME for 20% off your entire order or subscription
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 257: Love Bombing – What it is, why it happens

Are you being loving or are you enabling someone to remain dysfunctional? How do you tell? If you are a person who finds you are enraged and triggered by a relationship in your life and you feel powerless, this episode is about imbalanced relationships where one person is overactive and another person is underactive and how that “sick system” self-perpetuates despite everyone having good intentions. If you are unsure whether or not you are codependent, ask yourself – do you obsess about the way another person lives their life and does it make you miserable? Are you finding yourself being put in compromising situations because of that person? This episode might be a helpful starting point. Also here are a few must-reads!

Codependent No More

https://amzn.to/4ooLFfW

Courage to Change

https://amzn.to/3HgpAzC

The Dance of Anger

https://amzn.to/45kZlQj
Sponsors:

Chewy: chewy.com/podhelpmebeme to save $20 on your first order with free shipping 

BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first month of therapy 

Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit

Wayfair: Wayfair.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 256: Caregiver Relationships: Setting Healthy Boundaries

The alt name for this episode was “Ask More of Yourself” but that felt kind of agro. A lot of success in life happens in tiny micro changes. This episode is to help you curate the mindset of “I got this” as you move through your day. This is about building agency and momentum via seeing success as something small. Keeping a perspective of our own ability, sense of agency, and curating a feeling of “I got this” as we move through challenging times or new, fear-inducing territory. 

Stick around for the tools in this one! This has tips for staying in the channel of focus on what you’re doing right. Appreciating life in the exertion periods and giving yourself an awareness snap of, “Oh, wow, it’s actually not so hard, and I can do this” We can get that snap of clarity when we can look at a loved one from a generation past or the long hours demanded of an Olympic athlete. That concept of empowered endurance and self-motivation is a reset for our day to day toils. Sending love… you are so much stronger than you think, right now.

Support this week’s sponsors!Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job creditWayfair: Wayfair.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 255: Seeing Success as Small: a path to growth

If you’re struggling with trying to keep a handle on your
own beliefs in the face of a person with a strong ego, as in a romantic
relationship or parental relationship where they talk you out of your feelings
or tell you that you’re wrong, this is for you! A lot of people struggle
to self-validate. You might defer to another person’s opinion or have a person in your life who talks you out of your beliefs, even if you feel strongly about them the moment you have them. When we are feeling insecure and second guessing ourselves, we are looking for grounding. In the spin – as I call it. We cannot discern the truth – it is illusive to us. We keep thinking “I feel this way! Am I wrong?” What we need to recognize in that moment of that feeling is that we need to back up from the issue and get a wider perspective. The issue is co-created by us and another person and the solution is a longer but accessible one. This episode is about creating a dose of perspective with context and tools. Often what this comes down to is we are struggling to believe our feelings and trust ourselves and often the other person is controlling us. That might be sinister or it might be totally innocent and invisible to that person. For example, it could be a person who doesn’t want you to leave them. Or it could be a parent who can’t see you any other way than a child. The reason this becomes toxic and unhealthy is when it prevents you from growth. If you have a light inside you that wants to grow, to stand on your own two feet and be the boss of yourself – then this is for you. 

Sponsors:

Chewy: chewy.com/podhelpmebeme to
save $20 on your first order with free shipping 

BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first
month of therapy 

Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for
a $75 sponsored job credit

Wayfair: Wayfair.com 

 

BOOK
recos for this episode:

Intimate
Partners

https://amzn.to/4kCyBQU

Dance
of Anger

https://amzn.to/3Iqob9T

Courage
to Change

https://amzn.to/44La6en

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 254: Being Seated in Self: Setting Boundaries Confidently

Forgiveness is a monumental practice because it really guides a lot of what you believe in your life -about the world, love, relationships and also yourself. I’ve said this before but truly the reason to forgive is for you: because it’s kind of like being stabbed and then keeping that knife in your body. Forgiveness is something only you can decide you are ready to do, but it’s also something only appropriate in certain situations. It comes from a pure and genuine goal created for the right reasons, with all the practical information at hand. For example, you might want to forgive your ex for breaking your heart, but you can’t force that until you are ready to accept and move on. Another example of a situation that might be best left for processing but not forgiveness – is chronic abuse. This is a situation when we are likely to blame ourselves – so it’s really vital to lean into anger and claim that blame. When it comes to other deep wounds, when we prematurely choose to forgive it’s often because some part of us wants to skip over the pain of confrontation – looking at how bad we really hurt. When we want to forgive because the emotions associated with a certain event bring us BELOW the level of who we know we are, that is a mature and profound decision – one made from your highest self. This is something we all get to choose: basically, to align ourselves with who we know we are. 

What I want to do with this episode is really pose that invitation in a way that might get you closer to the reality of processing or forgiving – or knowing where you need to place a hurt from your past. 

References:

Triumph of Heart
http://amzn.to/2pt308G

The science of forgiveness
http://www.salon.com/2015/08/24/the_science_of_forgiveness_when_you_dont_forgive_you_release_all_the_chemicals_of_the_stress_response/

Haven’t read this myself but this is by the guy who heads up the Stanford Forgiveness Project which does a lot of good research. 
http://amzn.to/2qZy5Tt
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ep 95: Forgiveness: How to let go of hurt and anger, and why to do it at all

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